14. Feb, 2017

Week 4 SJW

Stop Playing Victim

I can no longer sit here and be your tool that you so fondly like to use and abuse. Your game has come to an end! You can no longer dictate my life! The song has been terminated! Your tricks have become tiresome!

Its 1am and I am thinking how did I allow myself get to this place?

This week, I must say, has been hell! Do you ever wake up and forget why you are here? Do you wake up and just feel this encompassing emptiness? Do you ever wake up, and just feel so lost and alone? Sometimes do you just get fed up of fighting? Do you guys ever feel, like what is the point off going on?

I am sat here on my way back from Morden. I went to go and declare my love to someone that doesn’t even know my existence! I went to go and pronounce my love to someone that does not even know my surname. Its so hard letting go! I have cultivated this delusional dream for a year! The dream became my melody! The dream became my muse! I saw a legacy at the mention of your name! I thought that I would ride into the sunset and create a home with you?

How delusional I have been! When did I allow things to get this bad?

Do you know what Insanity means?

Repeating the same thing over and over again with an expectation of creating a different outcome” JC

I have been on this rollercoaster for too long! I have walking this desert for years! I guess the time to move is now! I realised it is not weak to realise when to stop! It takes great strength to pick yourself up and walk away! I had to learn the hard way! I always learn the hard way! I do not know why I cannot just stop and think for a minute? How can I allow myself to be part of this porn piece that we call the maze runner! How easily I fell to the conception created as deception. I loved the road I was on. I became comfortable in the embrace of insanity! Madness became my identity! At the mention of chaos, I was there! In the battle of defeat I lay! I could not see the warnings! I could not see through the fog! I was enslaved to my past! I loved the bed that I formed out of my pain! I couldn’t get up, because I did not want to! I played victim, because it was an identity I be-throned!

How did i get here? When did this begin?

I can spend eternity asking these questions or i can pick myself up and start again! It is time you know your worth! It is time you settle for no price tag that was cheaply placed upon you! You are not worthless! You are significant! They may not see your worth! They may insult you or abuse you but that should not give you the right to remain in self pity!

The time to stand is now!
The time to speak is now!
Oppression is not your lord!
Depression is not your saviour!
Time to get up!

Your self pity song has grown weary! Your tears has passed its expiry date! Stop playing victim and do the unexpected today!

You are not a victim in the story!
The fact that you stand today, says that you are a fighter, but most of all a survivor!

Jasmine Cannon-Ikurusi